part 1

Yesterday, when I woke up, I had the feeling I had wasted another weekend, so I had the female urge to get up and actually be productive. I've been lazy and unproductive four more hours after I first had that feeling. 6 pm I started to clean my room, finally put the fresh clothes that I had standing around in boxes blocking the whole room since weeks in the closet and moved everything of music, pictures and other work related files into the external harddrive I got last christmas and never touched ever since then.
Then I stuffed my poor tiny laptop with the whole files I pooled. And it's still not even half full. :| I thought 1.5k songfiles and 5k pictures should be enough already, but I guess I've always been a clean and boring person. lol
Usually I mess around with the computers system when cleaning my PC in a cleaning bloodrush because I keep deleting really important files for booting by accident.;;; At least my pictures and music and all the other important stuff are save now. hah.*win*

I made plans for starting to play ro again christmas holidays because I miss the fandom. (It's pretty much the only fandom I've ever had.)
So does anyone know any decent low-rate server?
Not much lower than 7x tho, I still have a life. Lol. I'll put up the shoutbox again later today, so feel free to suggest one.

Some Old RO pictures I didn't consider good enough to get uploaded. But now I don't have anything else to post, so suck it bitches.

My hair was all messy and long since a few days, so I decided to cut it after all. I tried not to cut too much tho, since I wanted to let it grow. It'll grow eventually. D:

My cam sucks.

I miss smoking.
But it'll only be for a month lil' Hali. Hang in there.

Addicted? ...psh.

energy drinks > coffee

weekends morning


Today morning I could walk through an awesome winter-wonderland when I had to walk to the busstation. <3 Better than any fairy tale.

I only slept like 4 hours and didn't eat anything since yesterdays lunch. Not a good combination people would think, but I actually was really awake for once. Like all the times I thought I slept enough I actually just slept too much.

Vocational school seemed like a ridiculous joke. All we did was singing and listening to my desk mate Jonas (he is a truly awesome guitarist) and some random girl of the class that was supposed to sing for us. All she did was complain really. And we mostly had to force her into singing for us or to talk to Jonas about what he's supposed to play. This chick was so annoying. But Jonas was actually playing really good.
Listening to so much music makes me wonder why I never tried to learn any instrument earlier. :/ Hopefully I'll have enough endurance to really learn how to play piano. If I buy a keyboard I don't wanna have wasted the money if I don't stick with it.


I drank too much energy drink. I haven't even eaten after lunch yesterday and all I ever did since then was looking through template BBCodes for this Blogspot. (It didn't even matter that I was at work while I did so)
BBCode seems to be really fun, it might become a new passion of mine? (even though I couldn't ever write a whole page on my own, at least not in this life)
How I can be so sure? Well, I haven't eaten...

The energy drink this evening definitely was a mistake. I'm not even slightly tired and its 2 am. (I gotta get up at 6) But at least I got a new layout, that's all that matters, right?;;;;
It took a little while till I figured out how this BBCode works, but in the end it's very similar to forum editing and so on. My actual plan was to move my blog to livejournal, and what I did is I tried to do the same I just did with the template. But LJ just seems pretty complicated to me and I don't have the motivation/time to figure it out. Blogspot seems perfect to me. Idek why LJ's community is so much bigger.

50s fail

I've been trying to finish this stupid picture since Sunday, I kept passing out right after coming back from work so I couldn't finish it till yesterday. At least it's 'finished' (backroundless) now, and I worked too long on it to not post it.

The face sucks so bad. x_X That's the part I'm most unhappy with.
Though, there are so many other things I dislike about this picture, that I better don't start listing them, because there are only 30 minutes of my lunchbreak left.

Yesterday was so annoying. The print office complained about the tiniest mistakes in the flyer we were trying to print. And since they always call my supervisor, instead of me, she got more annoyed with every call. In the end I was about to yell at her to stfu and let me do my job;;;;
Fortunately I didn't.

something less alien-like

Unnatural colors scare and annoy me, thats why I had to change the sketch of yesterday into something "professional". lol

I know the facial structure is far from perfect, but I'm working on it. I should use references.;;;;
Actually, Lydia and I made a bet when we were drunk yesterday. Whoever draws closest to the style of J.C.Leyendecker in two months (when we move in together) wins. Not sure if she remembers it or takes it seriously. lmao. But since I wanted to study his style anyway, I'm gonna seize the chance to get better. (I should stop drawing purple elves for that tho 8[ )

something borrowed, something blue

Okay, it's purple, but that's only because I didn't want it to look too much like Avatar. :|
I have ideas for what to draw, now it'll be my mission to find time to actually do it.

Lydia and I were doing quizzes about if we are alcoholic or not... while drinking beer. It was hilarious, since the questions looked like they've been written from an alcoholic. lmao
And I blame her for making me eat too much, since she refuses to move the chips elsewhere so it stops staring at me like that. 8[

Tu es vraiment mignonne

I've been cleaning the house all day and it's still not clean. =[ My parents gotta be fine with how it is now when they come back home tomorrow.
I even cleaned my own room this time. I think I finally start to respect myself a little.

Oh yea, when I didn't clean stuff, I watched ridiculously bad acted german reality TV shows. Or really bad sung german rap music. I just love it when bad boys humiliate themselves singing about how much they love their ex-prostitutes. Lololol.


I miss you. I really do. Despite I know you'd spend every little moment with me if you could, I'm really sad you're always so far away.
It felt so nice not being watched at work for once. Usually I've had one of my supervisors watching me 24/7, now I'm unwatched for like 23/7. *win* And I can do all the stuff I like, designing Flyers, Websites, etc.

So my parents have been gone for two weeks. They're on a vacation trip in Egypt. You know, sun, ocean and always warm. I'm so damn jealous. It has been rainy and cold since days straight. Part of why I hate Germany.

Other reasons are:
- German people always sound angry even if they're not
- the language is really hard to learn and to pronounce, because everything just sounds so stiff
- German language mostly consists of words we stole from other languages such as English(!) and French (I'm not saying other languages don't steal from eachother, but they don't mix it as heavy as Germans do)
- Oktoberfest. wtf?
- German Songs must be forbidden
- late German Musichistory overall is hilarious, I mean, Schlager ... ? (dictionary says it's 'hit songs' translated, but w/e)
- English is just way cooler. Bro. 8|

I'm fine about living here, as long as I can whine about it. :}

My boyfriend is far far away on a military base in Japan. His work keeps him busy 24/7 with useless stuff that's wasting his time. This week for example, he's on a parking lot around the corner of his usual working place training useless stuff. The best thing about it is tho, that this training lasts until Saturday. Before that, he can't even go to his room and sleep in his bed, even if they have to be not far from it.
This is such a huge waste of time. I have tommorrow off and I was happy I could spend it with him. :/ Now I'll more rather spend my day sitting around and maybe sort of cleaning before my parents come back tomorrow.

*yawn* Wasting my day off, too.

Someone (Lydia) has to give me an idea what to draw. :|


I was really bored today.

Used references:
Link 1
Link 2

I love J.C. Leyendeckers art. =[ (Link 2) Wish I could draw like him.


Ugh, oh wait, what did I expect?


Fine, we'll talk.
I emptied almost one bottle of vodka on my own, lol. And all I can do is going on until I pass out.

After someone mentioned something really hurtful Since I'm not satisfied with my weight, I shouldn't eat so much. I've lost my appetite.
I'm actually happy for once. I got the right person to talk with, I drank alot of vodka tonight and I made stupid and childish plans for when I moved out (buying a keyboard and actually taking piano lessons.) and I got to worry about nothing else but what I am gonna get for brunch tommorrow.

More weekend please. Workdays are so hard.

Where am I? Who am I?

Dear someone,

you know, I'm not proud of most decisions I've made in the past. I often acted without thinking and sometimes risked alot more than I should.
But I thought, I really believed at least you, the person in my life who knows me best, would understand how I am and like me for who I am. I expected you to tell me, not anyone else, when you're not satisfied with my actions. How am I supposed to know whatever I did was wrong, wihtout anyone telling me it was?

I really thought you'd understand, or at least tell me if you don't.
<3 Old shit I drew at work and actually like.

New shit I just drew and not exactly like. (no BG is my religion, haha.)

Pussy juice.

1. Version (lmfaoembarassing)

2. Version (less embarassing, but eh, I gotta learn how to draw myself. At least Matt now almost looks as handsome as he is.)

School and work are boring as shit and I still feel overstrained.
I just can't handle standing still while everything around me is moving.

I know, it's much fun to judge about other peoples lives. But it's even more fun to complain about my own live. I don't have enough stuff in my real life that's worth ranting about, it's the same routine over and over again.
Leaving at 7 am and coming back home at 7 pm.
Leaving when it's dark and coming back in the dark.
Going to sleep after eating, chatting and watching some Grey's Anatomy.

A little fight with one of the few friends I got left actually seems like something new and exiting, wich is a sad thing to think about. The only two people I ever talk with anymore are my best friend and my boyfriend. They consume the 3 hours of freetime I've got left per day. Thus I barely ever draw anymore. And if I do, it's something I'm just not satisfied with. The faces always look the same, I never do anything special with the positions, it just looks stiff as hell. I really would like to practise more, but when? at work I can't just get my sketchbook out and draw whenever I got nothing to do. So I mostly talk to my boyfriend on msn if he's online or just browse lame websites instead.

Every Monday and Friday I have to attend vocational school (so today, too). Actually relaxing because I'm at home early. If it wasn't only two days a week but a whole week in a row.
It's really annoying, we gotta study about office organization and we gotta deal with so much unorganized and random shit all of the time.

I want christmas holidays.
I feel like screaming. But I'm just so tired.

Life sucks, did anyone ever mention that before?

My best friend somewhat... betrayed me, in my eyes. Moving in with her now seems like a mistake. But. Everything was prepared for moving in together. Everything was alright. I just don't get what makes a friend you've known for years before that, do something that awful that even I can not immediately forgive her. She did so much shit to me before that. She did shit to herself and to her family. I never really punished her for it. And I didn't feel the need to. But now it's just... idek.

Additional, the second person in my company that was supposed to supervise me, the nazi supervisor of the two, left today. (I have another supervisor, but she doens't know shit about graphics. She is only good with the office shit.) A few days ago I was really happy she'd be gone from now on. But nowshe really is gone. I think even though she was the person that criticized me the most, she also was the one person in the company whos credit meant anything to me.

I think I have a weakness for exhausting people.

My boyfriend is living far far away from here. At least he's on a militar base in japan (far far away). If he'd come back home to the U.S. - Still, far, far away.
Exhausting too. But I'm happy. At least as long as he's around. That be like 3 hours a day.

I can feel how this crap is driving me insane slowly.

I wish my friends, life and work would try not to be that exhausting for once.