Dear someone,

you know, I'm not proud of most decisions I've made in the past. I often acted without thinking and sometimes risked alot more than I should.
But I thought, I really believed at least you, the person in my life who knows me best, would understand how I am and like me for who I am. I expected you to tell me, not anyone else, when you're not satisfied with my actions. How am I supposed to know whatever I did was wrong, wihtout anyone telling me it was?

I really thought you'd understand, or at least tell me if you don't.

<3 Old shit I drew at work and actually like.




New shit I just drew and not exactly like. (no BG is my religion, haha.)


Pussy juice.


1. Version (lmfaoembarassing)



2. Version (less embarassing, but eh, I gotta learn how to draw myself. At least Matt now almost looks as handsome as he is.)

School and work are boring as shit and I still feel overstrained.
I just can't handle standing still while everything around me is moving.

I know, it's much fun to judge about other peoples lives. But it's even more fun to complain about my own live. I don't have enough stuff in my real life that's worth ranting about, it's the same routine over and over again.
Leaving at 7 am and coming back home at 7 pm.
Leaving when it's dark and coming back in the dark.
Going to sleep after eating, chatting and watching some Grey's Anatomy.

A little fight with one of the few friends I got left actually seems like something new and exiting, wich is a sad thing to think about. The only two people I ever talk with anymore are my best friend and my boyfriend. They consume the 3 hours of freetime I've got left per day. Thus I barely ever draw anymore. And if I do, it's something I'm just not satisfied with. The faces always look the same, I never do anything special with the positions, it just looks stiff as hell. I really would like to practise more, but when? at work I can't just get my sketchbook out and draw whenever I got nothing to do. So I mostly talk to my boyfriend on msn if he's online or just browse lame websites instead.

Every Monday and Friday I have to attend vocational school (so today, too). Actually relaxing because I'm at home early. If it wasn't only two days a week but a whole week in a row.
It's really annoying, we gotta study about office organization and we gotta deal with so much unorganized and random shit all of the time.

I want christmas holidays.

I feel like screaming. But I'm just so tired.

Life sucks, did anyone ever mention that before?


My best friend somewhat... betrayed me, in my eyes. Moving in with her now seems like a mistake. But. Everything was prepared for moving in together. Everything was alright. I just don't get what makes a friend you've known for years before that, do something that awful that even I can not immediately forgive her. She did so much shit to me before that. She did shit to herself and to her family. I never really punished her for it. And I didn't feel the need to. But now it's just... idek.


Additional, the second person in my company that was supposed to supervise me, the nazi supervisor of the two, left today. (I have another supervisor, but she doens't know shit about graphics. She is only good with the office shit.) A few days ago I was really happy she'd be gone from now on. But nowshe really is gone. I think even though she was the person that criticized me the most, she also was the one person in the company whos credit meant anything to me.

I think I have a weakness for exhausting people.


My boyfriend is living far far away from here. At least he's on a militar base in japan (far far away). If he'd come back home to the U.S. - Still, far, far away.
Exhausting too. But I'm happy. At least as long as he's around. That be like 3 hours a day.


I can feel how this crap is driving me insane slowly.

I wish my friends, life and work would try not to be that exhausting for once.