So here's the deal. I've been trying to finish this page since about Monday and I just yesterday remembered that it would probably be a good idea to pack my sketchbook in for scanning it at work, because otherwise it would have never been scanned. Yay me!
I've actually even been staying longer at work, just to finishing drawing the last four "cracked" panels at the sides, because I just didn't think of doing so earlier, like, when I was at home and had free time. It's what the working society does to us. It drains out all your enthusiasm and leaves only some weak sparks of memory that remind you you should probably be doing something constructive after work – not watching some lame low budget TV shows until you doze off to sleep. But tell that my to body and brain? It's addicted to forever doing nothing, because doing something just gets harder when you're forced to do nothing already at work.
To all the first-time visiting guys still reading this, please stop. Its just me going to whine and whine lots more about how unfair this world is and about how annoying most people are (and I will most likely scare you away (with my horrible careless grammar)).
Like how my new colleague, a new apprentice for the marketing department in my company, who had been told to do all the work I did before. Because her apprenticeship actually includes the things I did (grafics, websites, etc.), unlike mine (secretary stuff, office stuff, crapshit).
But it sucks. I mean, I have nothing to do most of the time now; and the things I am asked to do are most likely the things no one else ever wanted to do. It's first year apprenticeship all over again. I thought we went past that a couple of months ago. On top of it all, I have to baby-sit a freshman in every possible graphics issue. I have to show her everything, and I simply don't have the time, nor the nerve to be her "go-to-guy" any longer. How do I get out of this position? How do I make myself clear I don't want her interrupting my train of thought every other minute? Gah, it's just so useless. With every bit I make her more skilled in graphics, I make my chances slimmer to be taken over after my apprenticeship. It RUINS me.
It's not like I hate my job. I'd love my job, if I would be doing my job. Even if it says on my contract, that I am right now doing my actual job, I feel like my real job was taken from me. And I want it back.
I feel outright scared that if I end up with this office crap to do every day, they might forget my actual use and skill, and simply disregard me when planning for the future, after my apprenticeship is done. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go through fighting my way back out of social anxiety and feeling monitored each and everyday again. I don't want to have to get used to other people with different opinions on why I suck anymore. I just want to stay here and curl up and for once enjoy being socially and financially stable for as long as it is possible.
If they don't want to give me that, I don't think many others will.
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This is a picture that stirred up some trouble
with some mature content business on DevArt.
I didn't want to just swipe it under the rug though,
so here you go. |
